Falling Away From Me
by Scarlet Ibis
Summary: AU season 5. Buffy and Spike are together with their daughter, Joy. NO RILEY! Spike is having issues with having a heart beat, and nothing more... WIP, with Ats crossover. Sequel to Come with Me.
1. Spike vs Dracula

Thanks to all who reviewed "Come with Me."

This is the sequel, and the previous one was a complete rewrite of season four, and this being the rewrite of season five.  
  
If you didn't read it, then a very quick breakdown would be the following: Spike, Buffy, Gem of Amarra, and beer from "Beer Bad" a baby. They hook up, as do Giles and Joyce (who became pregnant with Dawn), Willow's still gay, Faith is there (to help) as is Jonathan and Andrew, Darla lives- with Angel and their son, and Spike and Angel mended their relationship. Chances are, I'm forgetting something so I suggest you new readers to read it Come with Me, cause I swear it wouldn't be a waste of your time.  
  
This is a WIP, so you'd have plenty of time :). This story takes place precisely one year after the last, making Joy a week or so older than a year, Dawn about five months, and Connor about ten months (cause he was never stolen by Holtz in my story). Alright, as always, please review, and happy reading!!  
  
P.S.  
  
I have no idea when I'll make an update, cause I have some other unfinished fics. But keep my hope and my muse alive by reviewing!  
  
Disclaimer: Characters not mine, yada, yada, yada...  
  
Falling Away From Me  
  
Chapter One- "What are You?"  
  
I suppose these feelings of inferiority were always there in the back of my mind. But at least then, I knew exactly who and what I was. A man- William the Bloody Awful Poet. A Vampire- William the Bloody, Spike. But now? Too much of a demon to be a man, too mortal to be a demon. So I had a beating heart- so what? It didn't mean anything. I can go out in the sun with my daughter, my love and her friends and family. I could walk and talk like a man, but I wasn't. Sure, I could deny and deny all I wanted it, but I knew the truth. I am nothing. The night I ran into Drac brought all of my fears and insecurities to light, and I found that I had nowhere to run from the truth anymore.  
  
That night, I was restless (as usual) and I found myself prowling the cemeteries looking for a decent kill. Instead, I found him.  
  
"Well, well. Gotta say, it's nice to see familiar faces every once in awhile." Spike said sarcastically as he strode up the Transylvanian vamp, decked out in his fancy cape.  
  
"Spike. Didn't know you were in these parts." Dracula said as he viewed Spike curiously.  
  
"Huh, bet you didn't. Of course, I didn't forget about that lil' sum you owe me. I think it's bout time you paid up. With interest of course. Preferably compounded." Spike said with a triumphant smirk. The prospect of getting money never got old to him.  
  
"I didn't come here for that. I was looking for the Slayer." Spike arched an eyebrow before replying.  
  
"The Slayer, eh? Well, if I were you, I'd stay far away from her. Mess with the Slayer and hers, you're liable to get killed mate."  
  
"But once she's under my thrall, none of that will matter." He replied with a small smile.  
  
"Oh, I think it would matter, actually. Ya see, I'm on the Slayer's side now, and I know all of your silly parlor tricks. Trust when I say you'll never get past me- ever." Spike said as he glared at him.  
  
"Really? You and the Slayer? Well, I just knew that something was different about you now, William." He said as he slowly began to pace.  
  
"Really, now? And what's that exactly?" Dracula eyed him again, stepping closer to Spike. He lifted his head, mouth slightly agape before snapping his complete attention on Spike again.  
  
"Ah, you, my friend, have a heartbeat. No longer a creature of the night, I see."  
  
"Doesn't matter. I could still kick your pansy ass with my eyes closed." Spike challenged. Drac ignored the jab and continued to look Spike over thoughtfully.  
  
"Hmm. You have a permanently warmed body and a demon. Let me guess; no soul?" He asked rhetorically.  
  
"What difference does that make?" Spike said, feeling the uneasiness creep over him. Dracula looked almost thoughtful before continuing.  
  
"It's bad enough that in the demon world that vampires are considered half breeds." He said, gesturing to himself with spread hands. "But you, now, well, they must really hate you."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Why, demons of course. You didn't really belong before, and now, you don't belong at all."  
  
"Like I care what they bloody think. Hello? I'm out hunting demons. They don't like me, I'll just off 'em. But then again, I probably was going to anyway."  
  
"And what of the humans? Surely, they haven't completely forgotten what you were- a killer. How you still don't have a soul. How you're still not one of them."  
  
"I'm on their side. And they do accept me- completely." Spike said, trying to convince himself.  
  
"Just because they pity you or tolerate you, does not mean they accept you. You are nothing to them, and nothing to the world of darkness. I guess the Slayer has a soft spot for pathetic creatures." Spike finally got fed up and the vamps comments, attempting to swing on him. Of course, Dracula dematerialized to avoid the blow. He appeared behind Spike with a slight shake of his head.  
  
"Poor William. So lost." Spike glared angrily at him, breathing heavily.  
  
"I mean it, if you come near the Slayer, I will personally chop off all of your appendages until your dust. Do not fuck with me, Drac. I am not in the mood." Dracula nodded his head and raised both sides of his cape with his hands.  
  
"Fine. I will go seek my pleasures elsewhere. I hear there is... another slayer? It does not matter to me which one it is, for they are all rooted in darkness. True creatures of the night, those deadly, feminine creatures. But of course, you already know this."  
  
"Any part of Buffy includes her friends and family as well. I think it's best if you leave Sunnydale." Dracula nodded as Spike began to turn around. Dracula's voice stopped him cold.  
  
"But remember what I said. Don't fool yourself into thinking you belong anywhere, Spike." Before Dracula could make with the "whooshing" of his cape and transform into a bat, Spike chucked his stake at him, effectively turning him into dust.  
  
By the time he walked over to where the vamp had just stood, he picked up the stake and staked him again as he began to rematerialize from the dust. The look of shock on his face before it crumbled into ash gave little comfort to Spike.  
  
As Spike watched him turn into dust once again, his words flew through his mind. What he discovered was that Dracula, in spite of his nancy boy ways, was right. He didn't belong, anywhere. He was tolerated, not accepted. With head hung low and heavy heart as he trudged back home, his mind repeatedly asked him _What am I?_ He received no answer.


	2. Fee Fie Foe Fum

Chapter Two- "Fee, Fie, Fo, Fum"  
  
Buffy couldn't help but notice how secretive Spike had become over the past few days. She didn't acknowledge the fact that most nights he would "sneak" out to re-patrol, or that he was still smoking in spite of the fact he'd said he quit.. She summed it up to some testosterone sort of deal and bad habits. But a few nights ago, he casually mentioned that he had come across Count Dracula himself, and didn't go into further detail.  
  
"He came, I staked him, I staked him again, and that was the end for ol' Drac." He said casually.  
  
"Was there some kind of banter involved?"  
  
"The usual."  
  
"Did he mention me?"  
  
"Of course, love. Which why he isn't here now."  
  
Spike was always one to boast. Maybe the Count was a big challenge and he's kinda embarassed. she reasoned. She didn't think about it much more after that. If he didn't want to bring it up, then why should she? Perhaps there wasn't a problem after all...  
  
"So, another Scooby meeting, is it?" Spike asked as he got Joy dressed for the day. She laughed with her dad as he tickled her tiny feet before puttin on her little shoes.  
  
"Yup. I'm starting up the old slayer training with Giles again. Been feelin' a little rusty. It'll be like old times." Buffy said wistfully as she packed the baby's bag.  
  
"You up for walking, pet? It's just such a lovely, sunny day out today, and I know a lil' someone who absolutely loves the sun." He said, smiling happily as he rubbed noses with his little girl. Buffy eyed the two with affection.  
  
"Sure. But as long as she rides in the stroller, Spike. You carry and coddle her way too much."  
  
"Well that's cos my lil' princess gets whatever she wants. Innit that right, sweetness?" He said as he picked her up and began to leave the nursery.  
  
"I just don't want her to be spoiled, Spike!" Buffy yelled after the two. With a sigh and a little shake of her head, Buffy followed the two down the stairs. After packing a few bottles and an additional pacifier, she left the house on 1630 Revello Drive with her family.  
  
Besides the Dracula incident earlier that week, things had been more or less quiet (well, as quiet as demony possible) in Sunnydale since the whole Adam incident. This was why Buffy was just a little shocked to find Giles' new magic shop in disaray when they came in that morning. The watcher was warned heavily by the Scoobies about the safety issue of owning the Magic Box (since many of the owners were maimed or killed eventually), but Giles confessed he was quite bored and needed something to do. That and the profit margins the shop brought in.  
  
"What happened?" Buffy asked as she eyed the mess.  
  
"Giles was attacked by a demon on the very first day." Willow said in a stage whisper.  
  
"So you bought the magic shop and were attacked before it opened. Who's up for a singing chorus of the 'we told you so' symphony?" Xander asked rhetorically.  
  
"Well, Giles. I coulda told ya myself that being a shop keeper in this town isn't exactly asking for a long and prosperous life." Spike said sarcastically as he eyed the broken shelves and what not.  
  
"Actually, the demon was looking for the Slayer. He said I didn't concern him. He's after Buffy or Faith." Giles said, chewing lightly on one of the stem of his glasses as he pondered the situation. "Most of the newer books are already unpacked. I suggest we unpack the rest and find out what this demon is." Giles continued, putting on his glasses and searching through a box.  
  
"Well I think that before we go into 'research mode' or whatever, my Xander here has the most fabulous news." Anya said gleefully.  
  
"Ahn, I think we should wait until everyone gets here." Faith, Jonathan and Andrew had yet to arrive.  
  
"Let's see- I think five people is sufficient. Xander got this lovely promotion at the construction site and is finally buying a new apartment with nice things. No more musty basement! And the best part is that he has all of these lovely friends- three of which with supernatural strength who can help move ungodly heavy boxes!" Anya enthused. Xander just shook his head and gave an exasperated sigh.  
  
"Congratulations, Xand!" Willow said as she embraced him in a hug.  
  
"Good goin' Harris."  
  
"Hey, we should have a celebratory party of some sort." Buffy added.  
  
"Well, yes, we are all very much proud of your accomplishments Xander." Giles interupted. Anya gave him a slightly dirty look which he pointedly ignored. "However, I think we should discuss the demon."  
  
"Some good demons in this one. See if your guy's in here." Willow said as she handed a book to Giles..  
  
After nearly twenty minutes of half hearted researching, Spike decided he needed a smoke break.  
  
"I'm gonna go outside for a breath of fresh air." Spike said as he rose from the table and the terribly boring book.  
  
"You mean a breath of nicotine?" Buffy said innocently as she continued to flip through her book.  
  
"Um, yeah. Bye niblet."  
  
"Bye-bye. Bye!" The little girl squealed, waving backwards at her dad. Her hand had more of a "come back" motion rather than a "bye" one. She'd get it eventually.  
  
Leaning against the building of the Magic Box, Spike took out his not so secret pack of cigarettes and lighter and began to blacken his year old lungs. After his first exhale, he was accosted by a man in dirty business suit.  
  
"What are you doing here? Can't loiter. There's no loitering. That's why I'm a cat; quiet." Spike eyed the man warily.  
  
"Hey, you alright?" The man ignored his question and continued his babbling.  
  
"See, cats in the cupboard, but they find ya there anyway. It hurts. Please make it stop! Shut up, shut up." He said, clamping his hands over his ears. Spike attempted to reach out to the man, but then his head snapped up and he looked at Spike with confusion.  
  
"I don't know you. Fee, fie, fo fum... You don't belong here. You- you're empty inside. You shouldn't be! Not complete, that's what you are. I still see the monster... not done..." He continued to mutter to himself as he staggered down the street. Spike gulped hardly. The man was obviously bonkers, but what he'd said... It deeply unnerved Spike.  
  
"God, get it together, mate." He said quietly to himself looking down, then stubbing out the cigarette. His breathing steadily became erratic. As he was trying to get himself under control, he was then spotted by Andrew and Jonathan.  
  
"Spike, is everything alright?" Jonathan asked, genuinely concerned.  
  
"Yeah, you look kinda pale, well, paler than usual." Andrew said sheepishly. Spike put on a fake grin that easily fooled the two before answering.  
  
"I'm alright. Dandy even. Can't take as many smokes as I used too, though." He said, waving the pack in his hands.  
  
"Maybe you should get that patch." Andrew said.  
  
"You two should run along. Research abounds. Giles was attacked by a demon."  
  
"Oh, already?" Andrew said before going inside.  
  
"You'll be in soon?" Jonthan asked, still a little bit concerned.  
  
"In a minute, yeah." Jonthan nodded and left. Spike looked cautiously down the street. The crazy man was gone.  
  
"Bloody wanker." He muttered before going inside.  
  
A/N: Okay, I guess you can assume that "The Replacement" is going to go a bit differently in the next chapter. Let's just pretend that Xander had it in him all along, well, ever since "The Zeppo," and therefore had no need to be seperated in two to discover his adultness and all that. Hope ya enjoyed, and please review!


	3. Abomination

Special thanks to naiya-isis for being my sole reviewer on this site!!

A/N: Many apologies all around, because it took like ten years to post. Sorry, but... shit happened. I'm trying my best to catch up, hence the page update. Hope you enjoy and are still reading, and hopefully reviewing.

"Abomination"

Spike couldn't shake the uneasy feeling cast over him by the crazy man's words. Try as he might to listen to Giles and the others, he could not concentrate. While he wasn't paying attention, the gang decided that he, Buffy, Faith, Xander, Willow and Giles would go on a search for the demon known as Toth.

"The city dump. Where smells go to relax and be themselves." Buffy said as she wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"Times like this is when I miss having the option of breathing or not the most." Spike said glumly.

"Welcome to the humanity club, blondie." Faith said to him.

"I found this spell where you don't smell anything, but it does it by taking your nose off, so…" Willow trailed off.

"Been nearly a year. Think I'd be used to it by now. But then, situations where we end up in places like this happen." Xander sidled up to Spike, draping his arm across his shoulders in a camaraderie fashion.

"Think of it this way: no matter how smelly it gets, it'll still be an adventure."

"Hey, I kinda missed the part of the meeting where Giles told everyone what this demon looks like. Anyone gonna fill me in?" Faith asked as she looked around.

"Tall, robed, skin sort of hanging off. Deep voice." Giles explained.

"You mean a great, tall robey thing like that one?" Spike said, pointing to Toth. Toth raised a stick like mechanism towards the group, shooting out a blast of light. Spike moved Buffy out of harm's way as the others ducked for cover.

"Faith, watch out!" Xander yelled, leaping in front of her. The dark haired slayer, worried about Xander's lack of super healing, reacted instantaneously, spinning them around and taking the magical blast in the back. The force of the blast pitched the two forward on top of a huge pile of crap.

"Buffy, he's gone." Willow said.

"Boy, Faith. Never thought you'd end up on top of me again." Xander joked. "Next time, let me do the gentlemanly thing and protect you, okay?"

"Yeah, I'll keep that in mind. Ow." Faith moaned as she rolled off of him. Buffy walked over and extended both hands to the two brunettes.

"You okay?" She asked Faith when she rose to her feet. She wobbled a bit before righting herself.

"No need to worry, B. I've been hit by much worse. Not sayin' that that didn't hurt like a bitch, though."

"Sophisticated weapons. Hmph. All he did was give her a back ache. I don't think we should worry too much." Willow commented to the gang as they started to leave. But of course, no one saw the other, unconscious Faith left behind.

The next morning…

When the Slayer awoke, she only had one thing in mind- the hunt; the kill. Nothing mattered but her mission. Never mind that she was at the city dump in smelly clothes. She had to kill the demons, starting with him.

"Can't let him destroy the line. All demons must die."

Later that day…

While she was out on her hunt, she picked up a familiar scent. When it grew stronger, she heard a voice calling… her. It was her name.

"Hey, Faith! What… Faith what happened to you? Your face- why is their mud all over your face?"

"Hunt. Kill. Slayer." Faith approached him slowly, smelling him all the while.

"Clean. No demon." She muttered to herself as she began to walk away.

"Faith, wait!" Jonathan started, grasping her shoulder. She grabbed his arm and flipped him over her onto his back on the hard pavement.

"Don't touch. Have to hunt. Chosen one…" She continued talking to herself as she walked away. Jonathan remained stunned on the ground.

Later that day at the Magic Box…

"You guys, something's wrong. I- I've lost my powers. I can't… what's wrong with me?" Faith had just rushed into the store, looking distraught as ever. Everyone looked at her in concern.

"Are you sure?" Giles asked, walking from around the counter and coming towards her.

"Of course I'm sure! I was training this morning, and I, I hit like-"

"A girl?" Buffy filled in.

"It's not funny, B."

"Not trying to be funny. It's just, I know what it's like. Council and all that, remember?"

"I too know what it is like to wake up one day and be powerless. I completely understand the feeling of suckiness you're experiencing right now." Anya said matter of factly.

"Well no one broke my 'power center' and no one drugged me. So, I mean…"

"Everyone! There's something wrong with Faith, and- Faith?" Jonathan asked, now totally confused.

"What are you talking about Jonathan?" Buffy asked.

"Well it's just… I just saw Faith, and she was all dirty with mud on her face. Said she had to go hunt. I tried asking her, um, Faith another question, and she did this wrestling move on me before leaving and talking about how she was the Chosen one."

"Well, it surely wasn't me."

"Maybe it was a demon robot." Xander suggested.

"Or maybe it was Toth." Willow corrected.

"Or that. He did hit Faith with that blast. We just didn't think there would be any side effects. Well, obvious ones, anyway." Xander said from his place at the round table.

"Toth. The demon with the creepy stick thing. It's gotta be what stole Faith's powers. It hit her with that blast and took her form too. Couldn't that be what the creepy stick thing did?" Buffy said.

"I suppose, yes. That makes sense. A shape shifting device?" Giles said before going to consult his books.

"Yeah, makes tons of sense. Gotta find that son of a bitch and get my strength back." Faith said, crossing her arms and balling her hands into fists.

"Oh dear lord." Giles said while looking down at the book.

"Don't worry, Faith. Spike and I will find your evil twin and pummel it up good. Wouldn't be the first time." Buffy looked at Willow.

"Yeah. Well, my evil twin was from an alternate dimension."

"I said, oh dear lord." Giles reiterated.

"Yeah, but you always say that." Xander pointed out.

"Well, it's always important. They're both Faith. The other, stronger one isn't a demon. The rod device, it's called Ferula Gemines. It splits one person into half, distilling personality traits into two separate bodies." Giles said.

"What, to say he killed the two Slayers or something? It's a good idea, but still sort of cheating." Anya commented.

"No. Toth split Faith into two entities. One inheriting all of the qualities of Faith, the other with all of the qualities of the Slayer alone. The strength, the speed, the heritage."

"But isn't that kind of stupid? I mean, that would be like having a super slayer or something. Completely devoted to the kill and what have you." Xander interjected.

"I'd explain if you all let me finish." Giles said with an exasperated sigh. "The two can't exist without the other. If he kills the weaker Faith, the Slayer half dies as well."

"We won't let that happen. Don't worry, Faith. While Spike and Buffy go look for our other half, Willow Giles and I will search for a reversal spell." Jonathan said, attempting to reassure her as much as possible. Spike merely shrugged his shoulders as he got up from his seat.

"Right. Find Faith's other half so she can get back together with herself."

"We'll make it quick, promise." Buffy said, grabbing Spikes hand. He gave her smile as they headed out.

"So, if you were one hundred percent Slayer, where would you be?" Spike asked her as they walked down the streets of Sunnydale, not too far off from one of its many cemeteries.

"Wherever there's a lot of demonic activity, I guess. Which could be anywhere, here. What?" She asked when Spike stopped. He looked as if he was in deep concentration.

"I can smell her. She's close by." He said as he headed left.

"Really? Does… she smell any different?"

"More or less the same, actually. But the scent is uh, more poignant, I suppose. She's really close-" Spike was cut off from being attacked from behind. Faith charged at him, knocking him hard to the ground.

"Faith no!" Buffy yelled, running towards them. Faith growled in a nearly inhuman sort of way as she quickly stuck her left leg out towards the other slayer. She caught Buffy harshly in the chest. Buffy fell backwards to the ground. With the momentum of her running and the force of the blow, she had the wind knocked out of her. Faith held Spike's head firmly as she looked into his eyes. He couldn't move her. It was like she was clamped onto him.

"Empty. Nothing there. Demon. Head and heart. Don't stop till there's dust." She mumbled. Grabbing him by his hair, she commenced to slam his head repeatedly into the ground. When he stopped struggling, he watched in horror as she pulled a stake from the waist band of her jeans.. She rose it high above her head. The look in her eyes was deadly and firm on its intent. She wanted to terminate him.

"Abomination. Must be destroyed."

"No." Spike croaked out. Just as she began to bring the stake down into his beating chest, he vaguely heard a thump sound before she fell limply on top of him. He looked up and saw Buffy with a look of fear etched on her face, holding a large stick.

"Are you alright? I almost didn't get up in time, and…" She whispered, her eyes tearing up. Spike rolled Faith off of him with a groan. Buffy helped him slowly get to his feet.

"Boy. Pure slayer is hell on wheels. And quite deadly, too." He tried to joke, but it fell flat. Buffy pulled him to her, holding him tightly (especially so considering her super strength).

"I'm glad you're alright."

"Thanks to you. You clocked her good and proper. It was like I couldn't move. She had a vice grip on me."

"We should get her back, ya know, with her other self. Before she wakes up."

"Yeah."

"You sure you're okay?" For a moment, he thought she was talking about what Faith had said to him. Then he realized that she meant physically.

"Fine luv. Now let's get her back." The entire time on the way there, he couldn't help but wonder why Faith had chosen to hunt him.

Soon after they put Faith back together again, Toth arrived- again. Before he was able to use his creepy stick again, Buffy expertly kicked it out of his hands. The demon was no more soon after. Spike thought of Toth's attack as a nice distraction. Unfortunately for him, it was short lived.

"Spike, I uh, wanted to apologize for trying to kill you." Faith said, pulling him to the side.

"Yeah, well, wouldn't be the first time a slayer's tried to kill me."

"But I don't get it, I mean-"

"There's still a demon in me. Your basic sense was solely looking for demons. Beating heart aside, I still am one."

"No, Spike. I was solely looking for you. But I don't know why." Spike did not know either.

TBC

Author's note: Okay, once again, sorry for the delay. But I think I've got a better sense of where this story is going. Sorry for not going into extreme detail about the destruction of Toth, but we've all seen "The Replacement" enough times to know what went down. Except this took place at the Magic Box and so forth.

Um, no, Spike is not the key. This fic is going to go halfway off cannon from season 5. Well, duh, I'm sure you knew that. But what I mean is that, sense I've already used the bot, and Dawn is a baby, I've decided to make Glory not much of an issue. How, you ask? Well, you have to read on to find out!! Hope ya do, cause I've got a shit load of surprises in store for you all (who are still reading).

Thanks!

Jill


	4. Lasting Impressions

I know it's been awhile, and there's just been a lot of horrible, rotten things going on in my life at the moment. But I'm better now- much better. I should be better to you guys, my loyal audience. I'm working on it. Okay, this is an average length chapter, because I wanted to update and will type the rest when I get back from work later on today. I hope it's good and that you readers don't end up feeling cheated somehow. Also, this fic has been nominated- my first time ever being nominated on fan fiction- at http:spuffyawards. for best spuffy AU.

One billion thanks to naiya-isis, reviewer, kissme, kimber, jen, txjmfan, constance, feistypumpkin, and schehrezade1 for reviewing this fic. I know I've disappointed in the past, but I'm hoping to change all that. Hope you guys like this one. And to anyone reading this who hasn't reviewed before, please do. It is much appreciated. Even if it's one word, I don't care- really.

Also, since I don't have Angel season 2 on DVD, I'm doing most of what happened in his universe by memory. I'm writer, creative license, blah di blah… As long as we all know in general bout Holtz and Justine, then it should all be ok, right? Oh, and Wesley will not be labeled as a traitor in my fic. Nope.

Okay, since it's been awhile, last time in this fic, Faith was split in two, and her slayer side was out on the hunt for Spike. Let's see what happens next…

"Lasting Impressions"

In L.A.

No one had ever said that it would be easy. He had been away from the world for quite sometime. A little quick lesson from Sarjahn was not enough. Not nearly. He needed someone. An army was more like it. But for the moment, just the one would be fine. Walking the streets of L.A. he saw her fighting the vampires. Her eyes were full of hatred and fury. She would be perfect.

Daniel Holtz had found the perfect ally, friend, and companion in Justine. She had the passion, the determination, and the rage and vengeance needed in order for him to fulfill his task. Easy pickings ever since the death of her sister at the hands of a vampire. After a little coaxing and pressure from him as to whether she would be able to cut it or not, she finally teamed up with him.

"My mission, Justine, is after the vampire Angelus. He kills without remorse, which is to be expected from a demon, but Angelus, is so much more than that. He kills for the pleasure of it. He has walked this earth much too long, and needs to be destroyed. Darla as well. The two of them…"

"They killed your family." Justine stated matter of factly.

"Yes. And somehow, the two demons managed to create a son. Human, if I heard correctly. Nevertheless, their family must be decimated."

"You mean to kill the son?"

"No. Such a fate would be much to lenient for the two notorious vampires. No, I plan something much worse. But it'll be hard. Angelus has a lot friends- of the human kind. But Justine, you must remember that they are not on our side." She gazed at him with a look of awe and determination.

"I'd follow you to the gates of hell to kill vampires. Daniel, you know that."

"But people, even evil people who help vampires, are another kettle of fish."

"They chose Angel. That makes them enemy soldiers. I will do what needs to be done." Holtz was quite pleased to hear this indeed.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Drusilla had been having pains all night. There were too many voices; she couldn't understand them all.

"Too much. I can't see them." She said before crying out in pain, clutching her head. Trouble was coming from all directions. She didn't know what to do. But then, one of the voices became louder than the others. It was screaming at her over and over again. She gasped and closed her eyes, dropping to the floor.

"My daughter…"

SSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Sunnydale

Spike was becoming quite disturbed, to say the least. From Dracula, to the crazies in the street, to Faith's Slayer self, it was like the world was rejecting him. He put on a wry smile as he gazed down at his daughter, perched on his knee smiling happily at him.

"You're beautiful luv, you know that?" He asked, all the while thinking if someday she would end up hating him for making her part monster. He hadn't told Buffy yet, for fear of what she may say or how she would react. Poorly, he assumed.

It was just he and little one in the house for the moment. Buffy had gone out with Willow for some girly thing or other, and while she was away, Spike had become curious to Joy's reaction to seeing her father's _other face_. What occurred was startling to say the least.

When he became all bumpy in the forehead, she did as well. Golden eyes with baby fangs looked at him in wonder and amusement. She tapped his face a few times with her palm, giggling all the while. His baby had a visible demon. But it only came out when he changed. Before whenever she was upset or crying and the like, she never changed. Spike took comfort in that. He decided to keep the information to himself. What good would it do to tell anyway? After all, as long as he didn't change around her, no one would ever be any the wiser anyway. But whether or not they could actually see the girl's demon, in the long run, it wouldn't matter anyway. Of course, Spike didn't know that.

He decided that he wanted to make things better for his daughter and Buffy. He wanted to be a better man. He decided to find the piece that was missing, and what he found would not be easily obtainable…


	5. Always Blood

Thanks to anonymous and loosestring. Sorry for the delay!

"Always Blood"

Buffy looked at the three little sticks spread out on her bathroom sink. All with little plus signs. She was pregnant again. Not that it was any shock, but the now that she was certain… She smiled to herself, and looked into the mirror. Gently placing loving hands onto her abdomen, she turned sideways.

"Your lil' sis is just going to love you. And your daddy. And me. Welcome, little one." She whispered, looking down at herself. Hearing Spike come down the hallway, she rapidly put the three tests into a brown paper bag, rolling it up and tossing it into the trash. She didn't want to tell anyone just yet. She didn't want to jinx herself. She had never been more terrified in her entire life than when she thought she was going to lose Joy.

"Buffy, you alright in there?" She heard him ask. Opening the door, giving him her most dazzling smile, she said, "I feel wonderful." She threw her arms around him, and dragged him into the bathroom for a deep kiss. Pulling back, she looked at him questioningly.

"She asleep?"

"Yup. Dozed right after watching that god awful Sesame Street tape."

"Good. Cause now I have you all to myself."

"You've always got me, kitten." He said, trailing kisses down her neck as he picked her up and place her on the sink. He quickly pulled her shorts and underwear down and off her legs. Buffy, excruciatingly slow, unbuttoned the top of his jeans, before pulling the zipper down even slower.

"You're killing me here, pet." He said in a low voice.

"Aww, Spike. Can't a girl have _any _fun?" She asked, pulling him out and pumping him harshly.

"Slayer, you know you always get to have fun."

"So what is it you want then?" She asked, pulling him towards her entrance. He braced his hands on her hips.

"Just you luv; just this." He replied before kissing her softly. Then he plunged into her extremely wet depths with a moan. _'How am I gonna last without this?'_ He wondered, as he pumped leisurely into her. But then he thought of the long run, and how he wouldn't be away from her that long. That in the end, it would all be worth it. The two took their time together, relishing the contact with one another, both all the while thinking of the information they withheld from each other. Neither of the two lovers knew, however, that they each held secrets…

SSSSSSSSSSSS

Darla couldn't shake the longing from deep inside of her. She tried to rationalize that perhaps it was something that couldn't be helped- that it was primal, and therefore in certain ways, natural. But being a vampire or not, she couldn't rationalize the fact, no matter which way you cut it, that she wanted her own child's blood. She wanted to sink her fangs into his soft, baby skin that reeked of Johnson & Johnson baby wash, and just… relieve herself. It was driving her mad.

She tried going by Angel's rules, she truly had. But no matter how many blood bags she greedily ate she absolutely would not agree to pigs blood, it could not satiate her. It reminded her of when she was pregnant. Except this time, the blood she longed for wasn't just any child, but the one that came from her womb.

It didn't help that his rapid little heartbeat seemed so loud to her ears; the rushing sound of his blood pump, pumping, pumping all of the time. She held him close, closing her eyes. It was as if she had no control over herself. She hated it- that feeling of helplessness. Angel trusted her, with _their _son. And now, she was going to betray him. The baby cooed a bit as she brought his slight neck to her elongated fangs.

"Shh, it's alright, baby. This won't hurt much." Darla felt disgusted with herself, but she couldn't seem to stop…

SSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Giles looked at the clock, squinting harshly to look at it's hands. A little after three fifteen in the morning.

"Bloody…" he trailed off, not wishing to disturb a deeply sleeping Joyce or Dawn, who finally slept soundly in the crib next to their bed. The baby had only gone to sleep not less than an hour before, and he new that Joyce would kill him if he accidentally woke her up. The young girl had a hellish, banshee sounding scream. Powerful lungs on that one. Pulling on his plaid robe, he quietly as possible headed down to the front door. When he saw a somber looking Spike, he went from upset to being awoken to very much scared.

"What's wrong? Is it Buffy? Joy? Are they alright?" He rushed out. Spike, shaking his head, side stepped him to walk pass, and plopped himself onto the couch.

"They're fine. But, I need to talk to you about something. I um… I have a favor to ask." Giles nodded his head silently, wondering if it was some sort of romantic trouble Spike had been having, and seriously hoping that wasn't the case. There was just some things that he didn't feel comfortable discussing.

"There's something that I have to do. And it's gonna require my leave of absence from Sunnydale for awhile. I'm hoping no more than two weeks, but… anyway, I need you to watch out for Buffy. I figure it's gonna be pretty tough on her."

"What do you mean? What's going on, Spike?"

"I want to be better for my family, Rupert. To be a kind of man who… to be a kind of man. I don't want to have my own daughter ever look at me and… to make a long story short, I'm going to seek out a legend, and I 'm going to try to go and retrieve my soul." Giles stood there, mouth agape, wondering if he'd heard the former vampire correctly.

"Why would you do that? Something like that is… completely unheard of. It's, it's-"

"An unselfish act, completely out of character for me?" Spike asked with a sad grin.

"No, that's not… Well, I mean, you're nearly human, I mean… Does Buffy know about this?"

"No. Reckon if she does, she'd try and stop me. But it's something that I have to do, if only for my own peace of mind. What Adam gave me was a beating heart, nothing more. And Buffy and my child deserve so much more than a vampire with a pulse. Cuz, that's more or less what I am, right?" Giles remained silent at that.

"So, what you're just going to leave them? No warning as to what you're doing or where you're going? Letting your family believe that you just abandoned them." Feeling agitated, Spike stood up, facing him.

"Look, I'm tellin' you, ain't I? Besides, I'm leaving her letter explaining that I'll be back. And I'm not abandoning anybody. I just haveta make things right. She'll understand. I want her to be able to look at me, and not feel ashamed." Spike said, looking away. Giles didn't know that Spike's last statement was in reference to his daughter. Buffy already accepted him for who he was. And yet, it still wasn't enough for him. He didn't want to disappoint either one of his girls.

"I'm to assume that even though you're making me aware of this, I am not to notify Buffy in any way of your whereabouts?" Giles asked, after a deep sigh.

"You'd be right. Just, make sure that she's okay, alright?"

"Oh right, because you suddenly disappearing into the middle of the night is going to make her ever so pleasant to be around. I remember quite clearly the last time that happened."

"Well look at it this way: at least this time, she isn't pregnant."

SSSSSSSSSSS

Angel dropped the warmed baby bottle to the floor as he watched with shock, disappointment, anger, and fear what Darla was doing. It all happened in a matter of seconds.

"Connor!" He yelled, hurling himself at his sire and knocking her into a wooden chair. Not being able to support the force and weight, it crumpled into splints, causing them to fall to the floor. He grabbed his baby and stood up. Looking at his neck, he saw two scratch marks on his neck. He figured Darla's fangs must have scratched him when he knocked her over. He thanked the Power's that he was able to get there in time before she actually bit him.

"What the hell were you doing Darla?" He hissed, not even noticing his own face morphing into that of the demon's. Darla looked up at him, her golden demon eyes filled with unshed tears.

"I don't know. Angel, please, something's wrong with me!"

"No, something's wrong with me for ever trusting you with _my_ son! You were going to kill him!" Angel yelled, furious at her, and even more so at himself.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't stop myself… But that's no excuse." She mumbled, grabbing one of the pieces of wood from the floor, grasping it as if for dear life.

"You have to believe when I say, that all I want is for Connor to be safe. And I'm not well, and I don't trust myself." Angel could see that Darla was about to kill herself. But he couldn't seem to bring himself to stop her in that moment.


	6. This Time She's Right

Thanks to **loosestring** and **Ozma914**. Sorry for the delay!

_"This Time She's Right"_

"I'm sorry. I couldn't stop myself… But that's no excuse." She mumbled, grabbing one of the pieces of wood from the floor, grasping it as if for dear life.

"You have to believe when I say, that all I want is for Connor to be safe. And I'm not well, and I don't trust myself." Angel could see that Darla was about to kill herself. But he couldn't seem to bring himself to stop her in that moment.

Angel watched on in silence as Darla, his sire, the mother of his only child, down on her knees with a stake at her chest.

"I'm so, so sorry Angel. That child is the best thing that we've ever done. I don't know or understand why I tried to take that away. Don't let him grow up to be like us- like me." She pleaded tearfully. Closing her eyes, she pulled the stake back arms length. Just as she was about to plunge it in, she heard a loud, firm, "Don't." Angel turned and saw a very angry and very distressed Drusilla.

"Darla, put it down, now." She commanded. Darla looked at her with teary eyes full of confusion, but she put it down.

"Dru, what are you-"

"Not now, Daddy. Someone's been poisoning our Darla, driving her to the purest blood of the little lamb. It put voices in her head. It's not her own doing." Drusilla explained as she slowly walked towards the fallen blonde vampire. She lowered herself on her knees and slowly began stroking Darla's hair.

"What are you saying, Dru?" Angel asked, his anger towards Darla abating slightly.

"The blood she drank, it was full of Connor's. They want him to die."

"Who?" Dru looked at Angel as if _he _were the one who was insane.

"Holtz, of course. He's been working with the Wolf, the Ram and the Heart as well. Angel, didn't you know?"

"Holtz is back? When did that happen?" Angel in fact, had not known. And just when he thought that things were going to get easier…

SSSSSSSSSSS

Buffy couldn't help but feel that something was definitely going on, but she couldn't put her finger on it. It seemed as if Spike had been gradually pulling away from her the last few days. She didn't believe that her mind was playing tricks on her, or that somehow or other she was gradually becoming delusional, but Spike barely looked her in the eye lately. It was disturbing. What was even more disturbing was that she had yet to find a way of bringing the situation up to him. Of course he would deny, and deny it and call her crazy, so she had to find an alternate plan. She just hadn't come up with one yet. But she was darn sure that she would. She still didn't. Feeling antsy and on dancing on the lines of desperate, she decided to have a nice talk with Willow and Anya at the Magic Box.

Actually, she would have preferred just Willow, or Willow and Tara, but Anya more or less refused to leave the shop. When she tried to get Anya to go for donuts or something, but Anya being Anya, stated simply that it was her duty to stand in close proximity of the cash register, in case something not so good occurred. She then said that Buffy, Willow and Tara were fully capable of getting donuts themselves if they wanted them so much. Tara volunteered. Buffy, feeling much impatient, began telling her tale, even if she did have to face Anya and her not so tactful self. Then she thought that perhaps it was for the best, since Anya could never hold back on honesty. _'An honest opinion,'_ Buffy thought, _'should really be for the best.'_

"So like, I dunno. I just get this feeling like Spike is having an affair or something."

"Oh, Buffy no! You are all Spike thinks about, I'm sure of it!" Willow yelled, with her worried face. She didn't know how to handle the situation.

"Wills, calm down. I don't mean like, physically or with a woman or anybody, just… It's like he's got guilt written all over him, ya know? And I don't know what it is." Buffy explained.

"Maybe he's having second thoughts." Anya said thoughtfully.

"Second thoughts? About what?"

"Well, let's see. I mean, first he's like this total Master Vamp, who's killed two Slayers and banged a third."

"Hey-" Buffy started, but Anya continued.

"Then, when he comes back to see said Slayer, perhaps to kill you or bang you some more, who knows? He finds out that you're knocked up with _his_ child! Which is almost unprecedented for vampires, cause they shoot blanks. So, miracle, prophecy, the gem or ring or whatever, made this all possible. Then, he's kidnapped by some psycho genius who's made up of demon, human, and machine parts who turns him into a human, of sorts. Over a century's passed, and now he's stuck with a kid _and_ a heartbeat. I mean wow! That must have been an awful shock for someone who used to kill to live and probably for his own entertainment as well. Now all of a sudden, he's just this average Joe, with super powers, mind you, who's stuck playing house until the kid grows up, or one of you dies." Anya finished.

"Oh, come on Anya! That is so, so inaccurate in certain parts. Spike loves Buffy and Joy very, very much." Willow said passionately, looking Buffy in the eyes.

"I know he does, Will. But still, something's way off."

"I told you already! He has problems coping. I mean, former demon sitting right here." Anya said irritably.

"Anya-"

"No, Willow. Maybe, maybe there's some truth in it. I don't know, but there has to be a reasonable explanation to why he's acting like this. Like he's distancing himself from me, literally. We snuggle up close at night, but in the morning, he's on the other side of the bed or not even there at all! He said he 's been out walking, but… nobody likes to walk that much, I'm sure of it."

"Is he still all gushy and affectionate with the baby?" Anya asked. Buffy furrowed her brow in concentration. He was still close and caring and loving to Joy since the day she was born, but lately, though…

"Sad eyes." Buffy blurted out. Anya gave her a perplexed looked as Willow said "huh?"

"Every time he's with her, he gives her these sad, forlorn eyes. I don't know how to explain it, but…"

"Oh, Buffy I'm so sorry." Anya said sadly, grabbing one of Buffy's hands and giving it a squeeze.

"What? Why?"

"Anya, what are you thinking?" Willow asked cautiously.

"You guys, in my past profession, I've seen it a thousand times. This was the reason for about 35 of the time women sought vengeance. Dammit, I knew he couldn't cope." Anya said ruefully.

"What is it Anya? What do you know?" Buffy asked worriedly.

"Buffy, Spike is gonna leave you. The signs are literally written on his face. If you take a closer look, I'm sure that you'll see-"

"Enough, Anya. You're wrong, and you shouldn't be worrying Buffy like this." Willow said in a low voice.

"I'm telling you guys, but if you don't want to listen, then fine by me. I'm not saying that Spike wants to go, but he's obviously in a lot of pain right now. Maybe he doesn't want to weigh it down on you, whatever it may be." Buffy thought solemnly that Anya may be right.

TBC in "Secrets and Lies"


End file.
